4 Men In Prison Cell

4 MEN IN A PRISON CELL:

A RAPIST

A MURDERER
...
A PSYCO

& A GAY.

RAPIST SAYS, "IF THERE WAS A CAT HERE I'D FUCK IT TILL IT DIE"

THE MURDERER SAYS "ONCE YOUR DONE WITH IT, I'D TORTURE IT TO DEATH"

THE PSYCO "OH YEAH & ONCE IT'S DEAD I'D FUCK IT TILL I DIE"

THE GAY IN THE CORNER VERY SOFTLY SAYS :

"MIAAOOW"
--
C'mon, Be Yourself!!!

Funny Jokes

First Man - I would like to buy a little house in the village to pass the rest of my life with a woman who i love.
Second Man - Why you don't do it?
First man - My wife don't give me permit.

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Son - Mom, God is man or woman?
Mom - Can be man, also woman.
Son - Mom, God have black skin or white skin?
Mon - can be white, also black.
Son - Oh! I know, God is "Michael Jackson"

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How a girl can merry a man who is handsome, rich, sensible and intelligent?
Enough to marry 4 times.

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An aeroplane fall down in the african forest and three survivors captured by a cannibal tribe. The leader of the tribe told to survivors that "if you want to save your life, every of you must go in the forest and take me 10 fruits from the same species."

So, the three survivors run into the forest to search 10 fruits. Half an hour later, the first survivor arrive with 10 bananas.

The Leader - "you have to put inside one by one those bananas from your anus, if you change the position of your face or if you complain cause of pain, we'll eat you"

So, the first survivor, reluctantly begin to put inside the first banana, entered, the second banana also entered, but at the third banana, he complain for the pain. So, the cannibal people kill and eat him.

A few minutes later, the second survivor arrive with 10 berries fruits. (the berry fruit is too small). The leader told him to do like the first person. He though that it's so easy. So he begin to put it inside from the anus. The first fruit entered, also the second, also the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth everytime he can put it easily. At the nineth, he begin to laugh loudly. So, the cannibal people kill and eat him too.

The first and second survivors, after death,they meet in the paradise, the first survivor

ask to the second- "Excuse me, at the third banana, i really can't continue to do that

cause of pain, but, you can do it easily because your fruits are too small". The second reply him "me too, i though like that,but, when i saw the arrival of the third survivor with 10 watermelons''..............

Smart Or Silly Wife Helping Husband ...

After Pulling over a speeding car, a police officer asks the driver,

" Can you tell me why you were doing 80 mph, sir? "

" I think your speed gun is broken," says the driver.

" I had my car in cruise control at 60 mph."

" Now dont be silly, dear ," says the driver's wife. " you know we dont have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the man grows at his wife, " Can you keep quiet for once?"

The woman smiles and says, " You should be thankful your police radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer writes out another ticket for an illegal rader detector, the man says to his wife, "for God's sake, will you button it?"

The officer frowns and says, "I also notice that you are not wearing seat belt , sir "

" Well, I was, " says the driver. " But I took it off when you pulled me over."

" Now , dear, You know very well you never wear your seat belt, " says his wife.

As the officer writes out a trird ticket, the man shouts, " for the last time, shut up you silly woman! "

" Does your husband always talk to you like this? " the police officer asks the wife.

" On, no, " she says.

" Only when he's been drinking."

Janice Wilson(RD)

Doctor Vs Lawyer

A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, "Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"When they ask, I give them advice", replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill in the morning."

The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning
he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.

Lessons In Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

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I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

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Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?

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If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

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Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

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Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

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One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

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Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

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Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

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The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

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Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

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Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

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"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

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There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning

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"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

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"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

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God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

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The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
.........
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A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

Funniest Letter Between Worker And Boss ...

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her $alary !!!

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport and including $weat and $ervice to your company .

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon ..


Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih



The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply :

Dear Marian,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet .

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

Yours truly,
Manager

Stupid Questions And Smart Answers ...

1) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

2) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

3) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have ?"

4) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

5) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

6) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

7) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

8) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

9) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

10) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

11) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Study Vs Fail ???

No Study = Fail

Study = No Fail

...

No Study + Study = Fail + No Fail

(No + 1) Study = (No + 1) Fail

Study = Fail

Me Too - The Reality Incidence

Me Too

A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:
Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr Clinton should say "I am fine, and you ?"
Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you. It looks quit simple, but the truth is ....
When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?". Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor : "Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..."
Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha ha.." Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.

Burmese Celebrities Funny Pictures

Burmese Actors & Actresses ... Very Funny One :P Love the 1st Two Pics ...

5 Friends ...

5 friends lived in a room. Their names are Mad, Fool, Brain, Somebody and Nobody.
One day, Somebody killed Nobody.
That time, Brain was in the Bath room.
Mad called police.
Mad > Is it police station?
Police > Yes, what is matter?
Mad > Somebody killed Nobody!
Police > Are you Mad?
Mad > Yes, I'm Mad.
Police > Dont you have Brain?
Mad > Brain is in Bath room.
Police > U Fool.
Mad > No, Fool is reading this message.

Burmese' Brain ... :)

This is very old one, you all might knew of it already ...Once there was a shop where u can buy brains ...brain from different countries ...and there a man came and asked " how much is the this one pointing to the American One ?"then the owner of the shop replied ,"It is $ 20 ."Then he asked ,"How much is the Japanese One ? ".the owner replied ,"It is $ 35. "And the customer asked again ,"How much is the Burmese one ? "the owner replied,"It is $100."The customer was suprised and asked," What?? Why??How could it be so expensive than other brains ?".the owner said ,"Cause it is a brand new one, never been used!"

Who Is This Guy - You Husband,Boyfriend,Daddy or Brother ?

Very Funny One ...

Japan Vs Burma - No.1 Nation Vs Poorest

Japanese premier was on a State visit to Burma. On his way from the airportlooking out his limo, he saw vast rice fields, rubber plantation,etc..and said to Shu Maung, "if we were to lead a nation like yours which hasplanty of land, low population and vast natural resources, it will becomea number 1 nation in Asia within 5 years". Then Shu Maung (Ne Win) immediatelyretorted, "if we were to lead a number 1 nation like yours, it will bea poorest nation within 5 years"..............

I'm Impressed About PH8 Mineral Water In Burma ...

Myo Nyunt, Rangoon Commander, and well-known brain with a 4th standardeducation, is making an inspection tour of the Dagon Ice and Drinks Factory.He stops in front of the pH7 mineral water bottling plant. "What's this?" heasks. "Ah", says the "responsible official", "this is the bottling factory forour pH7 mineral water. We have recently doubled production to 100,000 bottlesper year". The general is visibly impressed. "Keep it up!" he exhorts them."If you strive to increase production, next year you should make pH8, and beforelong pH10"..........................

Actually more than PH 7 it will be Acid ... :D ... I wish i could treat him PH 10 :P and the whole goverment :P ...

Trip To Bangkok - Burmese Goverment ...

The three generals made a little-publicized trip to Bangkok. While there, the trio made a nocturnal pilgrimage to a thai brothel notorious for staffing its premises with women known for their extreme lack of inhibitions of any sort. In short, no known deviant act was beyond their skill to indulge... Soon after the generals made their assignations, they were having a beer and sort of breaking the ice with the ladies. At about the time everyone was ready to "GO UPSTAIRS", each of the generals whispered something in the women's ears...Immediately, all three girls jumped to their feet, slapped the generals' faces, and stomped out of the room in an indignant huff.The brothel madam, curious about the hullabaloo, reproached the ladies, "you girls have done things in bed i never even thought of myself, as a matter of fact, the three of you are so perverted, i've thought of having you committed to an insane asylum, " and she paused for breath before asking, "now what could those three burmese generals have wanted that was so bad you had to cause all that trouble?"One of the women stopped her angry tears long enough to answer "...THEY WANTED TO PAY US WITH 45 KYAT NOTES!......................

The Entire People Will Be Happy,IF ...

SHORTLY AFTER THE RELEASE OF THE NEW CURRENCY DENOMINATIONS, GENERALS KHIN NYUNT, ABEL, AND TIN OO WERE FLYING IN THEIR HELICOPTER UP TO PAGAN.KHIN NYUNT MUSED ALOUD " YOU KNOW, AS WE ARE ABOUT TO LAND, I'LL THROW OUT A COUPLE OF THE NEW K500 NOTES INTO THE CROWD AND MAKE AT LEAST TWO PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY HAPPY" ABEL REPLIED, "WELL, YOU KNOW, FOR THE SAME TOTAL EXPENDITURE, I'LL THROW OUT K200 NOTES AND MAKE FIVE PEOPLE HAPPY". TIN OO, NOT TO BE OUT-DONE, SHOT BACK THAT HE WOULD THROW OUT TEN K100 NOTES AND SATISFY EVEN MORE PEOPLE...AND SO THEY BEGAN TO ARGUE BACK AND FORTH OVER WHICH PLAN WOULD BRING THEM MORE MERIT, SO LOUDLY SO THAT THEY ATTRACTED THE ATTENTION OF THE PILOT, WHO TURNED AROUND IN THE COCKPIT TO SEE WHAT WAS HAPPENING."IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY FLYING?" HE ASKED. SO THE THREE GENERALS EACH IN TURN EXPLAINED THEIR RATIONALE, AND ASKED THE PILOT TO SETTLE THE ARGUEMENT."WELL GENERALS, IF IT WAS ME, I'D JUST THROW ALL THREE OF YOU BASTARDS OUT OVER THE CROWD FROM A HIGH ALTITUDE, AND THAT WAY, I'D BE MAKING THE ENTIRE COUNTRY HAPPY...........................

I Can Not Tell A Lie !!!

I can not tell a lie !!!
A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird.
The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."
The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"

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Sometimes I think that you need to tell a lie to your girl cause they wont believe you all the time that you are telling the truth ...

Who Kiss Who And Who Slap Who ???

There's an Indian, Pakistani and a beautiful girl sitting next to each other, girl in the middle, in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Pakistani are sitting there looking perplexed. The Indian is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.

The Indian is thinking "Damn it, that Pakistani must have tried to kiss the girl, she thought it was me and slapped me."

The girl is thinking, "That Indian must have moved to kiss me, and kissed the Pakistani instead and got slapped."

What isPakistani thinking?
...
....
...
.....
...

The Pakistani is thinking, "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Indian again."

Boy & Girl Funniest Jokes

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.


GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…


GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??


GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple


GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??


BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??


BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??


BOY : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
GIRL : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.


MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?MAN : NO, because you make me sick.


WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.


GIRL : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think,Peter?
BOY : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.


Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.